Daffa Abiyyu Blog

It is suffocating. It is suffocating. Feels very numbing when I had to abandon my desires. Enforced, thrust with this forced mission upon me to embrace the sins I have committed.  Well, it matters not in the long run. I already lost the battle, and soon the entire war itself. Let the reality sink in a despair horizon, as the skies shade darkens with the season changing. For I even lost myself, neglect the personal desires I held within me. For a father whom had no understanding of what I bury beneath the mask. For a mother whom enforced into struggle cause of mine fault. For a younger brother who felt I am disappointment of a big brother. For I am nothing more than sheer disgrace. For I should just abandon myself, mask myself in the darkness beneath. I hold ill to everything, but nothing will care. Perhaps, a stain red is an answer to everything. 

It is weird, when you thought the chessmasters might be not truly the masters of the game. An act of greed, while the best case will be a beneficial move, is laid bare trap when beyond a normal perception of chess. They call it the Xanatos Speed Chess, where the actor knows how to adapt at an extremely pinpoint level to the point of shrewd manipulation. Even with internal breakdowns, distrust from within, if they so desire to win the game behind the game, can they play in an epic proportion beyond perceptible capability. No matter what the end result of this game, they will be victorious. The only question is to what degree, nothing more. They will win, even if it appears to be impossible odds stacked. Perfect planning, adjusted to every scenario.  Now, is that what they truly play to destroy the chessmaster in a dangerous gambit, probably even a Xanatos Gambit and not a Speed Chess, or are they just a shadow of their former self?

"The paradise may be beyond my reach." "Savor it for me." -Blade, Honkai Star Rail A word stated by a fictional character that for some reason weirdly resonates with me. For his case, it is the fact that the character cannot die thus cannot pass to the next life, hence "the paradise" being out of his reach. For my case, it is more along the lines of there are things that feels out of reach. Slowly, I think I should try to think of the things that I feel out of reach in a way these two quotes are written. Trying to help other attaining their dreams that I feel out of reach. Taking the joy of seeing other success and discard the winds of envy that keeps hounding me. Trying to accept what is out of reach and take focus on what can be reached. I know it is not the intention of these quotes, however, taking a word and getting positive contexts out of it is weirdly something I sometimes do. This is just one of them.

 After one talk with a someone whom I used to hold a feeling for, I come to a weird realization that my love life has been one giant ball of an experience bag with lots of mess and seems to be one of the few things that encircles me in the past instead of moving forward. The other thing on that encircling is the deeply rooted masked emotions in my soul, which some of it has been written in previous diaries. It's weird, there's content, yet the feeling of helplessness is also heavily present. The conclusion that I might be stuck in this rotten circle is a helpless realization that I am somewhat content with. For once, I am considering reviewing all my love life as much as possible out of it. Oftentimes, it's just overthinking on my end, but let's get started. First of all, DE is the first name on the list. A friend in early junior high. After all these years, I still cannot forget this name when talking of my love life history. Probably since this one has the most terrib...

"Pendidikan untuk semua orang." "Pendidikan seharusnya gratis!" "Pendidikan seharusnya bisa diakses semua kalangan!" Ya, satu sisi idealisme yang berteriak kala menyaksikan susahnya golongan tengah ke bawah mengakses pendidikan. Tidak salah berpikir idealis demikian. Toh, nyatanya ada negara yang bisa mewujudkannya (dengan sebuah TAPI yang besar). Di sisi lain, realitanya adalah harga pendidikan tidak murah. Sistem kapitalisme telah merambah ke akar pendidikan, membuat setiap jenjang bukanlah hal yang mudah diakses oleh sebagian golongan. Suatu permasalahan yang sekilas harusnya beres karena UU menjamin pendidikan yang layak.  Hanya saja, rumitnya bukan di sana semata. Pendidikan gratis maupun berbayar menghadirkan sebuah konondrum yang rumit kala diperhatikan dengan jeli. Tidak perlu jauh-jauh. Banyak sekali sekarang pendidikan untuk sebagian keilmuan bisa diakses dengan mudah bahkan tanpa merogoh kocek sedikit pun. Nyatanya, banyak yang menganggap remeh-...

Jurusan paling legendaris di Indonesia adalah Pendidikan Dokter. Sebenarnya, jurusan lain juga bernilai keilmuannya, tetapi apabila kita membahas calon menantu idaman, salah satunya adalah Dokter. Saat kebanyakan kampus mematok harga 20-200 juta-an untuk jurusan lain yang mereka naungi, Pendidikan Dokter bisa dipatok hingga 1 Milyar. Kedengarannya gila, tetapi inilah kenyataan lapangannya. Sebuah kapitalisme yang berpusat di jurusan Pendidikan Dokter. Salah satu kampus ternama di Indonesia yang baru saja membuka Pendidikan Dokter langsung mematok 150 juta uang masuk minimal, menciptakan polemik di beberapa kalangan. Di sisi lain, minat langsung terbangun karena jurusan ini, ya, tidak salah lagi, Pendidikan Dokter. Jurusan super prestisius idaman menantu. Ketidakterjangkauan dari Pendidikan Dokter hadir dari beberapa permasalahan yang kompleks yang ujungnya adalah ketidaksetaraan peluang. Ketidaksetaraan ini sendiri sudah hadir di jurusan lain, tetapi saat kita membahas Pendidikan Dokte...

Rule X: Never expect any holiday offering to be done as originally worded.  I guess I figured out that, in weird retrospect, I cannot trust anyone's word when receiving an offering. Go wonder when you receive expectation of a holiday with multiple postponing. Yes, postponed till I will not be able to take said holiday.  Should just not offer it from the start. I hate this. It just ruins the entirety of the mood for the next semester. Had they just be honest that there won't be holiday since the beginning, I'd just forcefully enjoy my stay here, even if it bleed my soul dry.

Love is war If so, why fight in wars you cannot win?

Berliterasi di usia muda sangat bermanfaat bagi diri kita PISA 2019: Indonesia posisi 62 dari 70 negara (literasi rendah) (OECD) (Robert K. Merton, Harriet Zuckerman; 1968) Cakupan Literasi: Menulis dan Membaca Keuntungan Menaikkan Literasi: 1. Meningkatkan kemampuan individu untuk membantu mengentaskan kemiskinan 2. Meningkatkan kemampuan komunitas sehingga lebih berkembang 3. Memberikan kebiasaan belajar berkelanjutan seumur hidup (memahami urgensi belajar terus-menerus) 4. Membantu menjaga perdamaian dan kestabilan masyarakat 5. Meningkatkan rasa percaya diri Membangun kebiasaan membaca: Buku Atomic Habits mengajarkan untuk memperhatikan 4 unsur dalam mengembangkan kemampuan membaca (atau apapun kebiasaan yang ingin dibangun) 1. Menjadikan Terlihat: Letakkan buku/artikel/koran/lembar riset dan/atau pena di tempat yang mudah diakses 2. Menjadikannya Menarik: Bergabung dengan komunitas membaca; pasang kegiatan kesukaan setelah membaca 3. Menjadikannya Mudah: Usahakan buku/...