Memoria : Emotional Burst

"Justice is on our side."

A word that I favoured a lot lately. Even my LINE status included this quote as well. Where it originates? I am not sure, but I got it from Persona 5. In a VERY unrelated note, I recommend to play the game.

Enough with chit chat. I would rather say upfront that this post doesn't go with the normal post style. This is not the random diary I usually wrote either. This also directly talks about someone as well.

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The light is dim. The mind is weakening. I can sense my soul is breaking. Shattered than a diamond torn apart. The smile and joy I put as façade would not last forever. I know myself well, at least I thought so. If I have my opportunity to rewind time, I will rewind it.

The joy of having friends that you can trust about everything... is nothing but a surreal lie I keep on believing, at least I myself thought. It all just become a real cassette, where I just keep repeating a set of scenes but at different time and age. The end is similar, but the involved masses are different. I know this since I was in high school. Senior High School to be exact.

I have this sickness of fall apart in love to female friends who are close to me back in Junior High. This would have been the very toxin in my friendship with female friends. I hate myself thanks to this toxin I attained from my past. It's just that I can't stand having to deal with the toxin I already intoxicated with and lost everyone close to me, slowly.

I usually thinks that I will be alone in the end thanks to this. Yeah, it won't matter what I do or what I archive, in the end I will be alone. It's hard when people keep leaving not because of time, but because of myself. I try to cure the toxin I gave to them, but it will never truly healed.

It's just that... Ugh... I don't know anymore. Perhaps the only thing I can't resist apart from food would be girls I am close with, unaware I am attached to them. And my type wouldn't be your everyday charming princess. Hahaha... I just... I am losing words here...

Really... but it won't fair if they get wounded because of me... I am slowly falling, yet trapped in a normal friendship and such, which will just break me away at the entire knowledge of it. Even my ethic code and 'contract' would be broken if I want them as my girlfriend. Escaping this reality would only by means of wounding them, or end up wounding myself and disappear. Ha ha ha...

If I could just ask for a favour from them, all I want would be a very simple wish...

"Can we start again, from the very beginning of our friendship? Before the wounds blown, before the cherishing moments come, before we become close friends, before the wound break us apart. Can we just restart everything again?"